So now that it is apparent Karl Rove leaked information to the press about a CIA agent for political gain what will happen to Bush's beloved mastermind? Bush has said that he would fire anyone found to be involved in the leak. Will our bucking bronco keep his promise? It seems to me that the President is stuck between a rock and a hardplace, or as he likes to say: "between gays and atheists" So is this act a crime? Well God certainly wouldn't have liked it. However, God doesn't like gays, but they are still around and dancing with full frontal nudity at Pride parades. I am so confused by this "moral person's" act of holy defiance.

Maybe he did this in hopes of going to jail and trying to stop gay sex from happening in prison. Wait a second, I think this is it. I think I am on to something. What is the only area of the world where gay sex is widely accepted as a perfectly natural act? Prison! I bet Karl's brain was going a million miles an hour when this idea popped into his turd-filled head. It probably happened sometime between his daily jerk off to a Nancy Reagan picture and a sponge-bath.

Although his plan to rid prisons of gay sex seems so logical there is one flaw. Prison dudes are tough and are going to pound that fat hillbilly's ass into a pulp. I bet it ends up resembling the puffy red ass of those small monkeys...You know which ones I am talking about.

Will God fearing American's still love him even after he gets his daily ass-waxing from "Razor Blade" and "Mr. Bleed"? Maybe they will after he reveals his grand scheme. After all what could get bigoted Americans to believe in him again after he exposed a CIA agent and betrayed this great country......some good old fashioned gay hate.

Next posting...Bush time travels back to Mississippi circa 1964 to get Rove's replacement.

NPR can be so provocative in the mornings, and yesterday was no different. In between coverage of the New York's Times new table in their mailroom and the story of a Florida man who beat the flu the week before, came a short piece that shocked me - scientist just figured out how ice melts. The first thing I did was to rub my eyes and open them again just to make sure I wasn't riding in a horse drawn carriage and was wearing a powdered white wig. Isn't this 2005? Human kind can cure terrible illness and clone other mammals, but we just figured out how ice melts? Shane P, software salesperson, can tell you how ice melts. Its temperature gets above 32 degrees and solid turns to liquid! Guess how long it took me to figured that out? About as long as it takes modern day housewife to pop a vicodin.

I thought to myself, if a simple physics law like this just got solved, there has to be so many other "life's little questions" that need answered. My idea came to me while on my fifth diet coke of the day. What is the one question that has plagued humankind for the past 30 years? How the hell do you put dirty dishes into the dishwasher and they come out clean?! At least three times a week you can hear a rousing "Fuckin'-A" come from my tiny Chicago kitchen as I open up that magic box of mystery to reveal spotless dishes. While just 45 minutes before my hand-me-down plates were covered in Thai carry-out and dried ketchup.

At first glance I thought the rotating water spraying system was to thank for the cleaning, but upon further investigation I found there is more then meets the eye. I looked in the back corner of my dishwasher and there was tiny insignia that read "Product of L. Ron Hubbard". I looked to the sky and thought, "Holy Shit, Scientology is responsible for removing the solidified ketchup from my plate" Who would have known that Hubbard had his cult members strategically stationed in every dishwasher factory in the world. After digging a little further I learned they do a special chant over every machine before it is boxed up. Although Tom Cruise was unavailable for comment, I am sure there is a smile on his face with every Kenmore commercial he sees on his 10,000 inch plasma TV.

Next mystery to be solved.......How Bic gets ink to come out of a pen.